Aunt May's Classical Love Life
by XxX0pt1mu5pr1m3XxX
Summary: This is a lemon detailing the relationship between Aunt May and a mysterious young boy she meets at church. It's a deep and complex story, so be sure to leave good reviews. kk?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Boring Exposition**

AN: No real smut in this chapter so if you're a disgusting pervert like I am you may as well skip straight to chapter two, you sicko.

It was a normal day in the Town of Gothem City, New York. Aunt May attending the American Ortodox Cathilic Church she went to every day for Mass. But aunt may was bored, and wanted more excitement in her life than going to church and getting kidnaped by supervillens every week. She wanted to go back to the naughty furry police yiff nights she would have with Uncle Ben, before that bitch Spooderman got him kilt.

Then suddenly, a big blak negro walked into the church in his traditional American oritidox preist robes (American falg patterned) it was…SNOOP DAWG!11 and Eminem was with him dressed in an M&M outfit.

"Like, WTF is going on?" asked someone unimportiant in the crowd.

"Yo, like, your regiular preacher cudnt make it, so he sent us to give the sermon istead." Explained Eminen

"O" sed the background charecter.

Aunt May was horrified. Everyone knowed that only white people could be American ortidox priests.

"This is a freakin outrage!" she screemed angrily. "It is a very affront to our lard and savior George Washington for a black guy to lead a congregation!" she sed racistly in a way that is totally in character.

Eminem turned angrily to face her "I think this bitch needs a leson in STFU!:" he snarled.

But Snoop Dawg put up his hand in quiet wisdom. Truly he was black Jebus.

And then for the 1st tiem evar Snoop took off his sunglasses,and he walked up to Sally Field and handed her a fat joint. He then gave a wise little smile and walked off to give his blessibngs of wisdom to the rest of da congrination.

Snoop tried to give a joint to a guy in the crowd who was the bad guy from spiderman 3, but he just smaked the joint away and sed "theres no way im gonna accept a doobie smoking nigga as a presit."! He yelled rasistly

Eminiem whipped toward the guy "Wat da Fuk di you just say you lil shit!" He yelled so loudly he busted a blood vessel.

"I said Im not gonna accept a nigga in dis church!" he yelled bak

Eminem pulled out his unregistered firearm and pointed it at the bad guys hed. "You cant say that" he frothed at the mouth "Only black ppl are allowed to use dat word!" (don't woray guize, im allowed to use it cuz im blak IRL)

"Well gee" sed the bad guy "It's a good thing Imma blak person too." And then he shapeshitted into a black version of Spooderman exept he had a retarded-ass grin on his stupid face. It was….VENOM!

"Holy Shit!" yelled Eminem. And then he pulled out hs unregistered firearm and startred shooting at the illegal alien.

But the boolets just bounced off harmlessly. And Venom laffed menacingly at the white gansta rapper.

"You cant kill me!" yelled Venom "Im one of the most popular charecters in all of da Marvel universe! Who are you?"

"I'm Eminem, Bitch!" said eminen and then he pointed his unregistered firarm at the American ortidox church's stepple and shooted it.

"WTF R U trying 2 do?" asked Venom.

"This…." Said Eminem. Suddenly the church's bell crashed down from the steeple right towards Venom. It was…The liberty Bell!"

Venom screemed like a bitch and tried to run, but it was too late and he was smashed flatter than Kirsten Dunst's performance as Mary Jane.

"Taste Freedom, Muthafukka!" yelled Eminem.

But Aunt May (who is still the main character) was too excited by all the excitement and was goint into cardiac arrest.

"OMFG" yelled someone. "Someone do something!"

"Oh shit." Sed Emimnenm "If only we had Dr. Dre with us, he'd know wat to do."

"We need to calm her down." Sed the alter boy "I know wat to do!"

And then the brave and sexy alter boy pulled out a lighter, lit the joint and shoved it into Aunt May's hyperventilating mouth.

Aunt May calmed down instantly.

"OMFG" sed Eminem "You just saved that bitch's life."

Aunt May opened her eyes and stared into the sexy alter boy's eyes. They were da most beautifulest things she had ever seen. Her eyes moved down to his chest, he was extremely buff and his arms rippled with his manly testosterone-ridden muscles. And then her eyes moved down to his crotch area, and it was so amazing that she would have gotten a boner if she were a guy, but she wasn't so she didn't.

"Y-y-you saved me." Said Aunt May.

"I know" said the alter boy deeply.

"I feel like I should give you some sort of reward." Said Aunt may as her sexy eyes sized up her rescuer. "But wuldnt you know it. I've left my purse at home."

"I'll go to your house with you, so you can give me my reward." Said the orgasm-inducing alter boy.

"That sounds like a good idea" said Aunt May "OMFG, where da fuk are my fuking manners! I never asked you my name!" she said in character.

"My name is Jeremy, I'm 15 years old, and I'm the guy who requsted this story." Said the alter boy who is now named Jeromy.

"Oh" said aunt may passionetly.

"You probably think I have issues for requesting a smutfic between two 15-yr olds and a 60-something year old comic book character…." Said Jeremy dejectedy.

"Not at all." Said the 60-something commix book character. "I have a lot of kinky fetishes two."

"really?" said Jeremy all sensitively.

"really." Said Sally Field, and then she grabbed Jerome and gave him a big kiss!

Jermemy was speechless. "…" he said.

"There's no need words" said the elderly seductress "Why don't we go to my place and I can show you how much I truly appreciate your rescue."

"K" said Jeremy, showing off his deep and complex character traits.

And then they headed to the shithole apartment that Aunt May and her stupid nephew lived at. But dats 4 da next chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Foreplay**

AN: This chapter depicts sexual conduct between a 60-something woman and two teenage boys because the person who requested it asked for it. Don't read if your under the age of like, 45.

Jeremy and Aunt May entered Aunt May's apartment. There was a musky smell in the air, boxes of used kleenex's in the trash and a tray of burnt cookies in the oven. It wasn't much, but it was Aunt May's love nest.

"Stay here" said Aunt may through her bedroom eyes "I'll go get you your reward…"

Jeremy blushed. "K" he said.

Aunt May went into the kitchen and Jeremy sat down in the hallway. He looked at all the unwatered plants and posters of Sonic the Hedgehog and stacks of Magic: Da Gathering cards and socks on the floor and the backpack that said "Peeta Parkor" on it and was able to put 2 and 2 and 2 and 2 and 2 together and deduced with logic that Aunt May had a teenage grandkid who was named Peetter Parker!

Then Aunt May stepped out of the kitchen, wearing a sexy dominatrix outfit, a police offircers hat, badge and radio and a massive strap-on.

"Aunt May!" yelled Jeremy "You Basterd!1"

"Whats wrong?" asked Officer Hard-on (AKA Aunt May)

"Why didn't you tell me you're married?" shrieked Jeremy like a castrated baby. "I saw all of your grandkids shit!"

Aunt May was offended. "Peetors not my grandkid, hes my nephew." She explained.

"Oh" sauid Jeremey deeply

"Now eniff chit-chat." Said Aunt May "Lets get to the part the audience came here to read!"

"You mean the part where we fuck?" asked Jeremy's stupid face

"Yes." Said Officer Hard-on. "Now get on your knees"

"K" said Jeremy.

Officer Hard-on got out a pair of handcuffs, but then Jeremy stopped her.

"WTF R U doing Jeremy?" asked Officer Hard-on.

"Officer, I know you probably get a lot of kinks from this….But I don't love you officer. I love Aunt May…."

And then Officer Hard-on's strap-on fell off in disbelfief. "What do you mean?" asked Officer Sally Field.

And then Jeremy got up and started playing classical music n his iPhone (Specificly Hungarin Dance #5 in G Minor by Johannes Brahms). "I mean Officer, You aren't the buatiful old lady I falled for. That was Aunt May, because of her undying Buety and tits."

And then he squeezed them.

But then suddenly something slid in from under the front door. It was…..Sandman! (also from the 3rd movie) And he had a big nife!

"Look out it's sandman!" said Officer hard-on.

"Oh no!" sed Jeremy and he screamed again!

"I'm robbing your house because I need mony to pay for my dauthers expensive surgery.:" said Sandman.

"You wont get away with this" said Aunt May.

"Yes I will" said Sandguy "Nobodys gonna save you!"

Then suddenly someone showed up to save them. It was…Spooderman!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: The good part**

"Spooderman!" yelled Sandman.

"Sandman!" yelled Spooderman.

"This ends now" said Sandman lamely.

Spooderman then said "Not today". It was an amazing comeback.

Sandman, Aunt May and What's-his-face were all stunned at Spooderman's razor sharp wit.

So Spooderman took advanteg of the distraction and started spaying webs at the son of a beach.

"LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL" Laffed the bad guy evilly "You forgot I'm made of sand! It's gonna take more than that to trap me!"

"Oh shit, your right!" said Spooderman. So he started spraying an unnamed sticky white substance with his other hand to.

But it wasn't enough, Sandguy was started to get free!

"Do something, Jeremy" said Aunt May.

"Like what?" asked Jeremey

"Spray sticky liquid at the bad guy, like Spooderman is!" said aunt May

"But Spooderman has super powers and I dosnt." Clarified Jermy

"That's not true" said aunt may pointing towards Jeremy's gigantic crotch "you have that and Spooderman dosnt!"

"Your right." Said Jeremy pulling his fire hose out. "I have a weapon that can help Spooderman defeat Sandman!"

Then Sandman turned on his iPod and started playing Darude – Sandtorm!

"Look out!" said Spooderman "he's playing his theme song! That's the source of his superpowers!"

"Not for long" said Jeremy as he aimed his weapon with the same precision he did whenever he used a public toilet. "3…2…1…..FIRE!" but his "glock" didn't fire, instead it wilted more than Aunt May's houseplants at the sound of the ear-bleeding techno music.

"Oh no!' screamed Jeremy "it's not working!"

"Here, let me give you a hand" said Aunt May suggestively.

"K" said Jeremy.

And then Aunt May proceded to load Jeremy's superweapon and pumped it like the massive shotgun it resembled. Jeremy's butthole cleched tightly as Aunt May redied the wepon for firing.

Jeremy got ready as Aunt may stroked him one last time and his weapon exploded with a spray of a sticky, white non-milk substance that doused Sandman.

"Oggleboggle!" went sandman, his theme music wouldn't save him this time.

The non-milk substance continued poring out of Jeremy's 3-foot long fire hose like cheap desert from a softserve ice cream machine in a Chinese buffet.

And the sandguy choked to death on Jeremy and Spoodermans sweet creamy mystery juices.

"Whoo!" in your face beach!" said Spooderman.

Aunt May punched Spooderman in the face for his retarded-ass pun. In fact she punched him so hard that his mask fell off and landed in the garbage disposal to reveal….a doof with an even more punch-worthy haircut. It was….Peetor Parkour!

"Peetor!" said Aunt May as she had a stroke "How could you? You let Officer Buttfu- I mean, Uncle Ben die!"

Peetor shrugged and said "It was an accident, LOL" He then repeated it for emphasis.

"It's K, Spooderman." Said Jeremy "I forgive you for whatever it is you did."

"Me too" said Aunt May because she wanted to get laid.

"Hey I have an idea!" sed Spooderman "Let's all have an orgy!"

"Yeah!" said Jeremy.

And so they went to Ant May's room. It smelled like old people and socks. Peeter Parkour shed his spider suit like a spider sheds its exoskeleton every winter (Check Wikipedia, they ttly do!)

Jeremy shed his clothes like a reptile sheds its skin, revealing his massive snake. His sweat-covered glistening muscles glistened in the light of the flickering 8-yr old light bulb.

"let's get it on!" said Spooderma-, I mean Peeter Parkour, as he jumped onto Aunt May's stained bedsheets.

"Yeah!" said Jeremy as he jumped onto the bed with Peetor, and the two of them started humping like beached whales.

"OMFG!" Screamed Aunt May "Stop that you dunderheaded simpletons!"

"Like, wutz wrong Aunt May" asked Peetor.

"I know wuts wrong!" said Jeremy smartly. "It's because she's Cathilic! They don't like gay ppl!"

"OMG" said Peetor "Dats terribal!"

"I know" said Jeremy "Thankfully, President Barax Obama is working hard to make not liking gay ppl against the law."

"Yay!" said Peetor "Now I know."

And knowing is half the battle" said Jeremy's nostalgia.

Then suddenly a super-soldier broke in thrue the window and all the glass in the window flew everywhere. It was….Harry Styles. A.K.A. The Hobgoblin!

"Harry!" said Peetor "WTF R U doing here?!"

"I needed your blood to cure my Goblin cancer and you didn't give it to me." Said Harry "So imma gonna kill you and your gay boyfriend!"

"You cant kill me." Said Jeremy "Im a protected minority!"

"Das right!" said Spooperman. "Besides you don't need my blood anymore, thanks to Obambacare! He'll cure any disease you have, and its all at the expense of the 1% douchebags."

"I'm a 1% douchebag!" snarled Harry

"Oh" said Peeter

"Couldn't you just use your money to hire a supergenius like tony Stork to creat a new element to cure your diesiese for you?" said Jeremy smartly.

"OMG" said Hobglobin "Your Right!"

"I know I am" said Jeremy.

"Imm gonna go do that right now!" and he did, and then he went out for ice cream, and then he came back.

"Jeremy, because you inspired me to solve the problem myself instead of waiting for the government to do it for me, im gonna give you….One-million dollars." Said Harry.

Jeremy would have creamed his pants in delight, but he was saving himself for Aunt May.

"Hooray" said Peetor "now we can buy a nice house to live in!"

"Yes" said Jeremy "Ill use my money to build it for you! And when its done, you two can finally screw me!"

"Why cant we do it now?" asked Aunt May's vagina.

"Because…:"said Jeremy "Peetor and I aren't legal age yet, and it would be against da law too."

"It's ok." Said Peetor "I don't mind waiting."

"Back off, you little shit!" screamed Aunt May so hard she almost had a stroke. "He's Mine!"

"Don't worray" said Jeremy "I don't mind sharing."

"I'm not gonna let my bitch of a nephew become a little faggit!" Shrieked Aunt May in a very in character type of way.

"Don't worray" said Jeremy again. "It's not gay if it's a 3-way. Lonely Island said so."

"Yeah" said peetor, and then he showed his homophobic Aunt the video on his iPhone 6.

"Hmm. Ok" said Aunt May "if you say so"

"Dats da spirit" said Jeremy.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Climax.**

The year was now 2018. Hillory Cliton was president of Free Country USA and had done almost as good a job as Obubble at running the country into the ground.

Peeter and Jeremy had both just had their 18th birthdays! (they were born on da same day.)

"Today is the day." Said Peeter to Officer Hard-on. "Today is the day I finnaly lose my virginity to a boy and I hardly know and my creepy sex-crazed aunt."

"I know." Said Aunt May as she took in the entirely plausible situation.

They arrived at Jeremy's mansion that he had bought with the money that Harry Styles had given him. Harry had gone to Iron Bad (AKA Robert Downy JR.) for help. And Tony fad helped him cure his Goblin Cancer by making a new element called "Explodium". The two of them fell in love and moved to California or some other state that let's queers get hitched. They are now happily divorced.

"Jeremy's mansion is really impressive isn't it, Aunt Ma- I mean, Officer Hard-on?" Asked Peeter.

"I know." Said Aunt May "Back in my day, we would have never made a building out of 100% milk chocolate."

"That's the kind of innovative thinker Jeremy is." Explained Peeter.

"Enuff chit-chat" said aunt May. "I've waited 1,577,847 minutes for this!" she exclaimed at the top of her shriveled, cancer infested lungs.

Aunt June charged into the sexy chocolate house shrieking like a banshee with her while hitting her two boitois (thanks 2 tumblr 4 that term) with her "nightstick."

"Ow!" screamed Peetor and Jermany, "Dis is police brutality!" But then Aunt May replied "No it's not, your not black!" and then she curb stomped Peetor's face into the ground like it was 1984. Peetor then said "OMFG UR SUCH A BITCH!"

"OH NO U DIDNt'" said Aunt may as she pulled her "glock" and "shooted" peetor right in the eye.

But then Jeremy stepped in like a white Jebus. Only he knowed the sekcrit techniques that could tame the raging beast within Aunt May's libido. He used the amazingly super awesome dance called "twerking" to hypnotize officer hardon. "Yes!" screamed the transrace incubus as Jeremy shook his completely proportianaly-sized ass at the crazy old woman. He lead the old geezer to the chocolate bed, on which he was thrown violently by the postmenopausal female(?).

"I have you now!" Aunt May said in a deep seductive voice like Dark Vader said in Star Wars as she whipped out her "M1911" and pistol whipped her lover. "AGHHHH!" Jeremy screamed in pleasure as his dong expanded to 3 feet in lenth and peetor watched eagerly for his turn at the controller.

The time had come. Aunt May, Peeter Parkor and Jeremy were fornicating hard and fast and it was hot. Jeremy grabbed Aunt may's breasts and it felt just like a bag of sandpaper.

"Oh" Aunt May moaned as her tits oozed rotted cottage cheese.

The heat from the 3 of them was causing them to sink into the chocolate triple-king size bed, the same way Jeremy was slowly starting to sink in Aunt May.

"I cant hold it anymore!" screemed Jeremy

"I feel the presence of the lawd!" screamed aunt may.

"My Spider sense is tingling!" Screamed Peetar

And then all three of them orgied at the same time so hard the a tidal wave of love juices sweeped trough the house and started melting all the support beams.

But it didn't matter that there was no fuel in the tank, the 3 of them kept doing whatever it is people do when they make love.

"I vuv you Peetor" said Jeremy through his mouth full of Jeremy's penis.

"I vuv you too, jeramy" sed Spooderman

And the heat of their love started melting the chocolate bed they were screwing on. And they started to slowly sink into like the two of them slowly started to sink into aunt May's vagine.

"OMEGERD!" yelled peeter "I cant take it anymore!"

"Same" said Jeremy.

And then the dark chocolate bed they were on became a milk chocolate bed as they orgied again!

Peeter and Jemremy were being absorbed by Aunt May and the slowly collapsing chocalete house. And they died together in the greatest chocolate 3-way orgyfest evar!

The end.

(TY to my friend Mike for telling me how making love works. I don't have any IRL Experience)


End file.
